Friday, February 13, 2009

Anti Socialism

Here I am back in Boston.Today was my first treatment,for those interested,it went pretty good,thank you for asking.While not technically cancer the treatment is considered cancer treatment (and because of the location and various other aspects it is considered cancerous-for further insight,go to medical school)this qualifies me to stay in a lodge run by the American Cancer Society for outpatients receiving cancer treatments.Its a really nice place,certainly nicer than some of the places Ive stayed during my years in Israel.Its almost as if there is nothing to complain about,but I will not let you down because I found something.Because of everybody there being a cancer patient or caregiver/family of a cancer patient there is a lot of camaraderie,socializing,support and whatever else it is normal people do in social situations.The problem is I am severely anti social.I try not to be rude,which is why last night I was stuck in the communal kitchen hearing about the complete medical history of someone who until a minute ago was a complete stranger(yes, pretty much like I do here on this blog)Most of the time so far I tried staying in my room but I'm bored out of my mind and eventually will have to join the fun,over six weeks of being here I'm going to need to start talking to people.I don't know how I'm going to manage that.I need something to break the ice,so if any of the many readers of this blog can overcome their fear of commenting and know any good ice breakers popular with cancer patients,,or cancer related humor(offensive is also welcome)please tell me.If all else fails I can always pretend I'm deaf.


Mikeinmidwood said...

"Hey I am going to be here 6 months got anything to do?"

karma dude said...

Finally, i have always wanted to make cancer jokes, but they have always been frowned upon. Thank god for this venue!

The Lightbulb Joke
Q How many cancer patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Just one, but it takes a support group to cheer him on, and there's a lot of grieving afterwards.

Baseball In Heaven
Two old baseball buddies with lung cancer were chatting on a park bench. Paul says, "I hope they have a baseball team in heaven." "Me too", says Jack. "Tell you what", says Paul, "If I die first, I'll give you a message about whether there is baseball in Heaven. If you die first, you can do the same for me." A year later, Paul is dead and Jack is sitting on the park bench when he hears: "Jack, it's me, Paul. I have great news! Guess what. There really is a baseball team in heaven." "Thank God", sighs Jack, "Now I can die in peace." "I'm glad you feel that way," says Paul, "because you're pitching tomorrow!

The Big C
Mary was walking through Tesco's when she ran into Harry, who she hadn't seen in a couple of years. They got to talking and eventually Harry enquired after Grahame; her husband.

'"Oh Dear: haven't you heard? Unfortunately he's no longer with us."



"I'm sorry to hear that. If it's not too intrusive, can I enquire what he died of?'"

"The big C got him."

"'Oh my God" he replied, "Cancer is so common nowadays."

"'Ah no it wasn't cancer, he fell overboard the Belfast Liverpool ferry, and drowned in THE BIG SEA".

A Man Hears He Has Cancer
A man hears from his doctor that he has cancer and only has six months to live. The doctor recommends that he marry an accountant and move to Cultra. The man asks, "Will this cure my cancer?" "No," said the doctor, "but the six months will seem much longer!"

After The Operation
A patient visited his urologist for testicular cancer and expressed concern about being able to perform after the operation. The patient was also worried about the chemotherapy. The doctor said "I too had testicular cancer a few years ago. Ten days after the operation I made passionate love with my wife, and forgot all my worries. Try it and see for yourself." Three weeks later the patient returns, and thanks the doctor effusively. The doctor says "I'm glad my advice helped." The patient thanks him again, and as he's leaving says "By the way Doctor, you have a really beautiful house."

Top Ten Ways To Know You Are A Cancer Survivor
10 Your alarm clock goes off at 6 a.m. and you're glad to hear it.
9. Your mother-in-law invites you to lunch and you just say NO.
8. You're back in the family rotation to take out the garbage.
7. When you no longer have an urge to choke the person who says, "all you need to beat cancer is the right attitude."
6. When your dental floss runs out and you buy 1000 yards.
5. When you use your toothbrush to brush your teeth and not comb your hair.
4. You have a chance to buy additional life insurance but you buy a new convertible car instead.
3. Your doctor tells you to lose weight and do something about your cholesterol and you actually listen.
2. When your biggest annual celebration is again your birthday, and not the day you were diagnosed.
1. When you use your Visa card more than your hospital parking pass